Tankini-She Needs More Protection

As a man I love tanks and bikinis. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that a Tankini had nothing to do with tanks.

A tankini is a bikini bottom with a top that is also made of bikini material, but provides more coverage than a traditional bikini top.

Why do women wear them? Many reasons including covering their slightly chubby belly, scars, religious prudes etc. There’s a lot of reasons women wear them, but often it’s because they don’t have the toned and sexy body that they had when they were a college freshman. Who knew that Girls Gone Wild is really about overeating during the college years. Colleges should offer a mandatory class called “From Fab To Flab: How college transforms students into out-of-shape eye soars.”


As a woman gets older and has a child, oftentimes the toned stomach is gone. She’s still sexy, but might not know it. You want her to be comfortable at the beach and at the park during the summertime, but she really don’t want to be showing off her babies imprinted head mark that’s permanently embedded into the epidermis on her stomach.

The answer is to buy her a tankini. They still look very hot, but cover up more of the belly parts that she may be embarrassed of.

The problem is if you buy her a tankini she’ll think you want her to keep her belly covered because you find it unattractive. You lose. If you instead buy her a traditional bikini, she’ll think you are just trying to get her to show off her assets in public as a trophy and be frustrated that you don’t understand her needs. Her needs being covering up the belly. You lose. So whether you choose a bikini or a tankini, you will be in the proverbial dog house, and we know you’d rather be in the cat house.

So whether you choose a bikini or a tankini, you will be in the proverbial dog house, and we know you’d rather be in the cat house.

You want her to be comfortable at the beach and at the park during the summertime

What you need to do is order her a tankini. When it arrives take the box into her and say that you found a bikini that’d she’d look super-sexy in and you were going to order it, but then you seen a negative review talking about excess UV ray damage. After doing research you want her to cut down on the chance of skin cancer by limiting excess exposure to UV rays because you love her and can’t imagine your life without her.

She’ll be happy that you love her, happy you bought her a random surprise gift, and happy she can keep her stomach covered without having to tell you that was her intent . Oh yeah, she’ll also be glad it came from Amazon because you most likely chose the wrong size or the wrong color. You probably will get the size and color wrong, but exchanging it on Amazon is a breeze.

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