Need Overpriced Flamingo Bandages?

Ouch! Flamingos is the name of the brand. The ouch in the name is in reference to the high price on these bandages. You get 24 bandages in a smorgasbord of sizes. Normally I would have said variety instead of smorgasbord, but I just came from Grandma’s house and she uses that word like Alanis Morissette uses “Ironic.”

  • “Oh Look Danny, there’s a smorgasbord of women for you at the mall”
  • “Oh Look , there’s a smorgasbord of TV Guides in my garage, let’s pick one with something we want to watch!”

My grandma also has a smorgasbord of bandages at her house. You might get one out of a pack she bought last week, or you might get one from a pack she bought on sale during the Vietnam War.

When I ask for a Band-Aid, most people realize that I want a, well, a Band-Aid. Yes Band-Aid is technically a trademarked name of a specific brand, but everyone seems to use Band-Aid as a generic term for bandages. Everyone but my grandma. She looks perplexed, like Donald Trump does when someone asks him about his hair. I have to specifically ask for a bandage. She will always follow-up with “and gauze?’’ But she lets the letter ‘Z’ linger too long. “And Gauzzzzzzzzzze” grandma says as she stares into your eyes hoping for the chance to use it.

“No! I don’t need no F%&*$#G Gauze grandma, it’s a only a damn paper cut on my thumb!”
I made the mistake of saying yes once and I hobbled out of the kitchen looking like a mummy.

No! I don’t need no F%&*$#G Gauze grandma, it’s a only a damn paper cut
Flamingo Artwork

Flamingo Needs Flamingo Bandages

So what the hell does this story about my grandma have to do with overpriced flamingo bandages? Not much, but regular product reviews are too boring. I can pimp out my Amazon affiliate links and work on my creative writing at the same time. How cool is that!

So the flamingo bandages are way too expensive. The individual bandages look semi-cute with the flamingo prints. Kind of like the panda bear at the zoo still looks semi-cute as he’s rolling in his own poo.

Most people are not actually buying these for the flamingo bandages, but for the tin that the bandages come in. It’s just a cheap generic tin, but since the woman in the factory in China started imprinting pink birds on them, the tins are selling like antacid at a smorgasbord.

The following paragraph is what many product reviews sounded like back in 2010, and many still do, when people were writing to get ranked high in the Google Search Engine results with total disregard to real human readers. My writing might not be to your liking, but it sure is better than this.

<Start SEO>
The reusable flamingo tin with the flamingo pattern on the reusable flamingo tin is advertised as reusable by the reusable flamingo tin maker who sells the reusable flamingo tins to people who either need or want to buy a reusable flamingo tin.
<End Google Search Engine Optimization>

Sure the tin is reusable, but it ships in an envelope, so if you’re buying it for the cute tin only, then expect to have some dented flamingos when it arrives. Fortunately the bandage tin is an Amazon Prime product, so you can easily ship it right back to them if the tin does not arrive in the same condition that it left the slow boat from China on.

You might enjoy the tin. I also enjoy flamingos and think they are cute. But when I think of the price for this and what you receive, I think it is a really bad buy. When I look and see that it is ranked 92nd in the top-selling in the Adhesive Bandages category, I realize they are selling a lot of these. Then I think…

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