Blow Me! BACtrack Portable Breathalyzer Keychain

Breathalyzers are the thing that you do not want to see a cop pull out, especially when you have been drinking. In general, you do not want to ever drive when you have been drinking, even if you only had one drink.

The exception is if you’re a demolition derby driver or driving one of the golf ball pickers at your local golf course driving range. If you do either of these, then feel free to drink up before hopping behind the wheel.

A breathalyzer that measures your blood alcohol content (BAC) is not just for testing to see if you can legally drive, but is also used as a measuring tool for parties and can answer profound questions such as:

  • Who’s the drunkest?
  • Who has the lowest blood alcohol content
  • Which girls are the easiest to have sex with (HINT: It’s usually the sober girl who has been sipping a single can of Heineken for 2 hours and has a habit of wearing tankinis)
  • Does the first beer raise your BAC as much as the 14th beer?
  • How much Jack and Coke can a ferret handle?*
  • How can a pitcher of margaritas affect a trip to the zoo?

Regardless of which questions you have, the BACtrack Keychain is an easy way to measure your party questions. Should you drink? Probably not, but if you are then you might as well track it like you do your Fitbit Stats.

According to the seller, you can get about 75 tests per single AAA battery. Your friends might be blowhards, so you can expect to cut that in half. 37.5 tests per battery is pretty good. The 1/2 test left after the first 37 is where you will pass out during the test while going for the fraternity rush week record.

BAC Breathalyzer Keychain Tester

It’s not a camera grandma

BAC BAC BAC It Up, now wiggle it

The most important reason to buy a BACtrack Keychain Breathalyzer is that you won’t be full of disgusted regret the next morning after blowing it.

* then the little bastard passed out. I felt bad that the ferret missed the party. I learned the next day he was still sick, but he eventually came out of it and returned to his active life of being locked in a cage. The owner was angry, I was young and stupid, and the ferret was pretty wasted. Don’t give ferret’s alcohol.

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