A Pet Personal Assistant That Won’t Crap On The Floor

Kuri may be the best pet ever created. We all want some interaction with a pet, but in reality, we don’t want to care for it. I love dogs as much as the hot girl next door, but I don’t want to force my schedule around my dog.

Kuri is a personal home robot. Kuri is gender neutral, but I’m going to refer to the Kuri robot as her. If you prefer Kuri to be a man, then strap a cucumber on it and turn around.

Kuri is similar to an Amazon Echo in that she will work as a personal assistant. She can play music, come into our room and wake up, and even record video.

Her eyes are what is used to record video. Once trained, you can have her taking video from different angles while you are romantic with your Prime Video and Chill buddy. Instead of having a shaky amateur video of your girl in the sack, Kuri could slowly rotate around the bed while capturing different angles.

Once trained, you can have her taking video from different angles while you are romantic with your girl
kuri robot

Kuri is fun and helpful for the whole family.

I love dogs, but I just don’t have the time for one right now. With Kuri though, it would be fun as hell to watch a dog freak out over her. It would be cute when the dog finally gets used to the Kuri robot and then gets excited when she comes in from a different room.

Unlike the Amazon Echo and Google Home Assistant, Kuri is not locked into one position such as sitting on a desk permanently. Kuri can roam around the house and do whatever the hell robots do.

Just like a dog, Kuri can greet you when you get home from work each day. Instead of being slathered in saliva from a tongue that has been grooming ball sacks all day, Kuri is germ-free, plus she won’t try and hump your leg. I;m not sure if this is a positive or negative, but either way the Asian lady who does your laundry will be grateful.

Kuri doesn’t speak English. Kuri speaks robot which is a variety of chirps and beeps. The manufacturer says that we will rapidly begin to understand what Kuri is letting us know. I am more worried about Kuri understanding me when I got cotton mouth and can’t get my foot unstuck from the couch as the room is spinning rapidly.

Now when you say “Yo Kuri, hit play on some podcasts!”, Kuri will play it for you. I do however suggest you are nice to Kuri, because if you get in the habit of being rude to her, then it could become a habit that will make it harder to get involved in a relationship with a real woman. Of course, the last woman I was in a relationship had the same ball sack breath that my dog did.

Kuri is available for pre-order and will be shipped in early 2018. The Kuri robot costs $799.

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